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The Garden

by Rama Gu

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1.
November 04:32
i was always there when you never were standing in the fall cold steaming my breath big shapes billowing out of my mouth big shapes dissipate like all of our plans i see you far away but standing right there dressing up for halloween in another year yonder go the young folks down to 6th avenue yonder go the skeleton crew and the boys in blue as the crowd goes so do we too i can tell you’d like to leave here now i wouldn’t wanna wait for me either i wouldn’t wanna wait for me either as the sun comes up and zombie makeup melts in the new day i swear november will be cleaner as the leaves all die away somehow i thought i knew you better than that listening to all the classic cats jazz music makes a film of manhattan rain like how keeping close to you made me new again but we stuck our noses where they shouldn’t go looking through all the wrong keyholes cut out like jack-o-lantern eyeballs the monster just a candle casting shadows as the crowd goes so do we too i can tell you’d like to leave here now i wouldn’t wanna wait for me either i wouldn’t wanna wait for me either as the sun comes up and zombie makeup melts in the new day i swear november will be cleaner as the leaves all die away as the crowd goes so do we too i can tell you’d like to leave here now i wouldn’t wanna wait for me either i wouldn’t wanna wait for me either as the sun comes up and zombie makeup melts in the new day i swear november will be cleaner as the leaves all die away
2.
i never should have worn these canvas shoes the rain soaks through my socks as i hold down buzzer C it drowns in the muffled din, so i text “i’m here” fifteen minutes later charlie rescues me “man i’m so glad you could come. it’s been too long, let’s head on up. i gotta play the host, but go have some fun.” i talk to a cute stranger while the room spins i feel a confidence that’s hard to overstate so deal me out a hand, i’ll go all in what’s a winning bet but a lucky mistake? it’s the bubbles in the blood that seasick feeling rising up what a fine night it is isn’t this fun? is this called living? or am i confused and drunk? is this called living? am i doing something wrong? it’s the sound making my temples thump it’s the passing out it’s the waking up it’s the sickly stillness when the morning comes is this called living? or am i confused and drunk? is this called living? am i doing something wrong?
3.
last week you packed up the house so why am i just finding out? your knees must ache from the up and down and carrying boxes around so selfless in your age giving everything away but i want for nothing now i just wish i could have helped somehow blood memory i’m part of you are you not me? share yourself how are you feeling? an antique bell in turtle shape his dusty box of tapes you embalm yourself alive in gifts while you unpack at your new place where morbidly you try to give away jewelry that’s how i know we need to be there for you let me be there for you
4.
The Garden 05:35
picking us up after school you’re flying out that night i fall asleep on the long drive sofie in the middle seat izzy sad you’re gone a week i don’t want you to come back i’m not that allergic to the cats waking up we have a peach smoothie to start the day at lunchtime we’ll put out a tray pickles, turkey, bits of cheese she keeps some root beer as a treat he cleans his cameras falls asleep this type of settled life suits me the garden is a symphony strings playing pastoral themes potting roses in the garage WQXR on i cannot name the plants the latin names all passed me by but they’re known for it the county wide my parents got married here the rhododendrons in the air right on these gazebo stairs before we leave he poses us for a photo there as you load us into the car i don’t want to go home but i’m glad we are once on the road ‘cause lately he’s been acting strange i can sense him slip away but i know some things will never change the apple pies and the bouquets all the slides that he’d project were photographic evidence momentary then it’s gone i didn’t understand that part i’m shining a light through a translucent slide but i can’t see what i missed through the years when our grandfather died she moved down south into a big empty house in a suburban development to be closer to our mom’s sister’s family leaving behind the plants in the garden that i never learned to name visiting one late july she had a chore for me the garden won’t tend to itself three months later she died suddenly so that’s one of my last memories annoyed in the carolina heat that bag of mulch was so heavy
5.
(instrumental)
6.
(my bad, i'm sorry)
7.
came out into the world with a few friends and a degree spent all my cash on it but no one’s hiring told us we’d keep rising up and up trophies, ribbons, medals, love and such even though we’ve been kicked in the shins more than enough they just keep beating us up dollars and dimes and cents it’s been a while, where you all been? finally on time with the rent but the check bounced back again being alive is a goddamn expensive feat sharks salivate at the smell of my bleeding being and the smaller the fishes the louder they promise some sort of relief they found my skin tone threatening now we’re facing down catastrophe exxon wanted more money now we’re dealing with a boiling sea did anyone once even care for us? all the old guard playing us for chumps even though we’ve been kicked in the shins more than enough
8.
another day has come and gone yet the dark will turn to light the earth will spin itself around again until we’re unstuck from the gravitron of life i’ve been to south america i’ve been dumped and i’ve cried but there is so much more that i’d like to try i wanna change the way i dress i wanna get myself out of debt i wanna hit it big with my band i wanna someday be a dad i wanna see how the world ends i wanna cook with you and sing i wanna grow up but i can’t do everything i wanna learn to speak french i wanna score the winner from the bench i wanna get laid more often, man i wanna feel less gross expressing thoughts like that i wanna see how the world ends i wanna cook with you and sing i wanna grow up but i can’t do everything
9.
Good Egg 06:21
please forgive me, i fucked up again i didn’t mean to act a fool with your friends i very nearly pitched a perfect game but the rain delayed my glory i almost caught you having fun but my big, dumb mouth kept on prattling on giving voice to words that were best left inside my head it’s not enough to have good intentions i gotta work to be the best that i can a good egg i just wanna be a good egg i just wanna be a good egg i just wanna be the savage ways we get along the savage things we have said and done we savor what’s been salvaged from the words we left unspoken ain’t no way to replace the truth that you’re a foreign city without a map and i’ve been walking around without a sense of where i’m goin’ all my dreams are all about you i don’t ever wanna live without you a good egg i just wanna be a good egg i just wanna be a good egg i just wanna be i never claimed to be a perfect human all i want is to do right by you, yeah a good egg i just wanna be a good egg i just wanna be a good egg i just wanna be

about

the garden is a symphony
strings playing pastoral themes
potting roses in the garage
WQXR on

credits

released November 6, 2020

Words and music by Anders Kapur
Produced by Rama Gu
Captured and mixed by Shae Brossard at Hotel 2 Tango in Montreal, QC, Canada
Additional engineering by Anders Kapur in Brooklyn, NY, USA
Mastered by Dave Horrocks at Infinite Wave in Calgary, AB, Canada

Anders Kapur - Fingerpicked and rhythm guitars, vocals
Theo Munger - Drums, percussion
Marika Galea - Upright and electric bass
Josh Chang - Piano, backing vocals
Emma Munger - Slide and lead guitars, backing vocals
Charlotte Wang - Cello, backing vocals
Chase Potter - Violin
Geneviève Racette - Backing vocals
Sofia Kapur - Backing vocals

Cover illustration by Izzy Kapur
Layout by Anders Kapur

Special thanks to Mom & Dad, Mutti & Vat, and Grandma

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Rama Gu Brooklyn, New York

venmo @andersrgk :)

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